"A Catholic Reading the Bible"… Communion & Coffee.

 

On This Edition of "A Catholic Reading the Bible"… Communion & Coffee 

Today marked 5 consecutive Sundays in a row at church. I walk there which is easy because I can wear jeans to church. I grab a coffee and then I go in through the side door where a nice man hands me the program and I take a seat at one of the tables. I pick a table because note taking is a lot easier on a table than my lap. (Have you seen my multi-colored sticky note system?) But today when I went into the church and the nice man at the door handed me the program… he said, “and here is Communion.”

Here is— what?!  I’m standing holding a monogrammed Bible case and a hot coffee, with one ear bud in whilst wearing a pair of jeans and cowboy boots AND you just handed me the… what?

I must have looked like I had seen a ghost to that poor man. I quickly walked through the door, put everything down on the table and realized my hand was shaking a bit. I immediately texted “Mayday” to my sweet friend and incredible mentor on this journey. I was panicking— he would know what to do. He always does.

There are  ways you’re reading this post up until this point:
- She touched the what?!?!?!? 
- It’s Communion- what’s the big deal? 
- She takes pages of notes in church? 

If you’re Team — you were most likely raised the way I was raised. I have not received Communion in decades. I think the last time I physically received Communion, I was still in college. As a Catholic, you can’t receive it unless you have been to confession. And me and confession lost touch a long time ago. (There were not enough “Hail Mary’s” or “Our Father’s” for my penance in my opinion). Now— You can walk up to the priest and be blessed during Mass, but you can’t receive Communion. Moreover, the Sacrament of Communion is not one that is taken lightly. I had to be blessed and dress all in white at 7 years old to be able to even approach it. I never held the chalice where the wine was poured nor the dish that held the wafers. I remember as an altar girl my job was to ring the bells (hidden behind a table with a white cloth) when the Priest held the chalice and the bowl of wafers up in the air in prayer. This was a ritual that was not taken lightly and required a lot of training, prayer and repentance to partake in. This is His body. This is His blood. This was not something you were handed with your weekly program upon entering the lobby.

I looked over at the people next to me: Is the wine or the bread on the top of their hourglass thingy? How are they holding it? When do we take this? How do we take this? Am I allowed to take this? When will my hand stop shaking?

My “mayday” text was responded to immediately with exactly what I needed to hear: “You don’t have to take it. It’s just a cracker and juice. It’s your decision. It’s not a requirement. Communion is something that draws you closer to Christ and honors your relationship to Him.” And I’m thinking that if you’re Team … that was your response too.

Team  can borrow my notes one day. Because the reality is: I’m trying to develop my faith but also see where my thoughts and convictions deviate from Catholicism. So I make sure to study both and try to be knowledgeable in how I was raised but also where my journey is taking me. And the other day I read something that made my heart sink.

According to “The Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church” (section 1196)— “… we show a greater respect for His majesty and sanctity, acknowledging, by our prayers to the saints, that we are unworthy to address Him for ourselves, and that we, therefore, ask His holy friends to obtain for us what we ourselves are not worthy to ask.”

“Not worthy.” (Tears again just typing that…)

Not worthy to pray to Him? Not worthy to tell Him about my day. Not worthy to thank Him directly when the sunset shows me that He created everything that is beautiful and magnificent in this universe? Not worthy to scream out, from the bathroom floor, with tears streaming down my face for Him to help me because I can’t help myself any more?

Not worthy?

It’s because I’m “not worthy” that I’m shown grace, love and mercy from a God that died to save me and give me eternal life. A God that became human so as to feel every emotion that I experience and know me better than I know myself. It is not that “I am not worthy” of being able to address Him in praise or in tearful prayer… it is that HE IS WORTHY of my grateful praise and my tearful, heartbroken prayers. And they should and WILL be spoken from my lips to his ears with no intermediary in between.

I took Communion for the first time in decades today. There were no chalices or chants. No ritual or rites. And in doing so, I drew closer to Him. I thanked Him. I was humbled by Him. I felt His unconditional love. And the world is still spinning.

According to Webster, “Unworthy” means “not deserving effort, attention or respect; having little value or merit.” According to Luke 12:7(NLT)- “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

You say “unworthy” BUT— HE… the only opinion, voice and power that matters in this world— He says “priceless.”

Moral: Your worth is in the relationship not the religion.