"A Catholic Reading the Bible… "Can You Cite that Chapter Please?"

On This Edition of "A Catholic Reading the Bible… "Can You Cite that Chapter Please?"

One of the upsides of being raised without reading the Bible yourself is that most of the work was done for you. One of the downfalls though, lies in not really knowing all of the parts in the Bible that may hold secret decoding messages or the special passages that make you a true “Christian.”

When I moved to the South, I entered the "Bible Belt." A foreign land unknown to my family as I was the first to cross the Mason-Dixon. And the longer I lived in the South, the more I realized I was surrounded by some of the kindest humans that I would ever encounter in my lifetime. But I also began to hear the phrase, “That's not very Christian" more. Clearly, I understood the basic tenants of Christianity: Don't kill anyone. Don't lie. Don't steal. Don't cheat. Be kind to Ma and Pa. Don't worship false idols. And don't plan events on Saturdays in the Fall. But the further my all-encompassing guilt pulled me away from practicing Catholicism, the larger the magnifying glass on the level of my "Christendom" grew.

I didn't know the Bible well enough to know if what I was being told about my life not being "very Christian" by people who claimed to be steadfast in their faith WAS IN FACT "not very Christian.” I just had a gut feeling that said, “This doesn’t seem right.”

My personality is complicated. As a tomboy, I tend to gravitate more to male friends because I will take beer and baseball over wine and the Hallmark Channel every day of the week. I am not married. I have dedicated most of the last 20 years to my education and my career. I also have no children. At first, it was because my lifestyle would never allow. And now, it’s because my body never can. I don't wear a sign on my chest that says, "Here is why I am a 37 year old, unmarried, childless workaholic.” That is my story to tell and no one else’s to interpret.

But apparently, unbeknownst to me given my lack of Biblical studies, I did not know that this lifestyle I am living is "not very Christian." I will leave the full details of the who’s, what’s, when’s and how bad’s for another story. A story that allows me to tell my side and the whole truth. Until then, in God’s time, I wait patiently (or at least trying to!) for that chance. I just know that for a really long time I stood in the face of judgement and mockery by women who used their faith and a Book I had not read, to vocally condemn my lifestyle.

When I picked up the Bible- in an attempt to find some light in absolute darkness- I started to see the unraveling of all of the "not so Christian things” I was accused of doing. There were no rules regarding men and women not being friends. There were no rules on the condemnation of the woman with too many failed relationships and a past riddled with mistakes. Rather, I read a beautiful story of how Jesus sat at a well with a woman everyone turned their back on and she too on herself, in shame. I saw myself in more of the broken people that Jesus called to be His followers than I did in any of the self-righteous Pharisees declaring what was right and what was wrong.

Then I met her.... Hannah. In 1 Samuel, Chapter 1, in the very first paragraph. There is a woman who is mocked, chastised, ridiculed and tormented by another woman because she couldn't have children. The pain of being told 3 years ago that I couldn’t be a biological mother was heartbreaking. The pain of being mocked and judged for it by colleagues, was archaic and devastating. So Hannah became a guidepost for me. During her darkest moments she turned to prayer. The ridicule she faced in the wake of her pain brought her closer to God. She prayed harder. She trusted Him more. She put her faith in Him. And she was given a son. I am not looking for that type of outcome. But rather, I am looking to use Hannah as a case of hope and the power of prayer instead of self-shame.

If being without children is wrong: Let me be Hannah.

If being best friend's with a man that's not my husband is wrong: Let me be Mary Magdalene.

If being unmarried with many failed relationships is wrong: Let me be the woman at the well.

If being able to open my heart and my home to those doing good and needing help: Let me be Lydia.

If being strong enough to stand up for what is right despite the ramifications that may come with doing so: Let me be Esther.

If being absolutely broken, imperfect, unworthy of grace and confused as to why the Creator of the Universe would ever want to love me: Let me be His child.

Though these women may stand on their faith, hold a Bible in their hand and declare that I am not one of them: it is not their approval I seek nor even need. I will turn to His Word and see that they are wrong. I will get my strength from Him. Their words hurt. But His Word is the final word. And He shines brightly through broken people of which I am one of the most broken.

I will also stand firmly in the name that I was given by my parents: “Kristen.” They may say I am not “very Christian”… but I am, without question, a “Follower of Christ.”