Monday, September 13, 2021

“A Catholic Reading the Bible One Chapter at a Time”… The Forbidden Book.

On this edition of “A Catholic Reading the Bible One Chapter at a Time”… The Forbidden Book. 






You can’t make me. I won’t do it. Nope. Inside that Book is the playbook for evil. This is the Book of the Anti-Christ, demons and cults. The Book that David Koresh and The Son of Sam read as a bedtime story. The place where Jim Jones got his juice recipe. Nope. I will not read it because it is apocalyptic and evil.
๐Ÿ˜ˆ☠️ [Kristen’s Stance on the Book of Revelation]

One flawed CCD teacher in 1995 and an easily persuaded faithless Kristen leads to the abstention- for all eternity- from that wretched book of Satanical lullabies. Until… with a lot of coddling and ‘please don’t think a baby lamb actually gets married’— I began reading the book on the 9th. To say I was terrified was an understatement. But like a little kid taking it’s first steps— I toddled into the “intro.”

My friend and mentor is challenging me to get out of my comfort zone. I have decided that I like being loved. I like being a little lamb comforted and kept safe. ๐Ÿ‘ My head pet and told I’m a good child and that He cares for me. ๐Ÿฅฐ But as the quintessential “middle child with anxiety” I also get nervous.

๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฌ- “Is He mad right there because His tone is a bit harsh? How long does He stay mad?”
๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฌ- “People mess up all the time right. It’s not like I’m going to commit murder so at what point is He not MAD but just DISAPPOINTED in me because maybe that’s actually worse?”
๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฌ- “That, ‘truly I tell you’ didn’t sound right. Is He ok? Is He mad at me?”
๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฌ- “I was going to talk to Him last night but I know how busy He must be right now with everything that’s going on and I don’t want to be a burden and add more to His plate and then He gets angry with me and I—“

Shhh. Stop. Quiet. ๐Ÿคซ

He loves you. He is a Father that will love you and will care about you no matter what and is ALWAYS excited when you come back to Him.

“Right but— what about?”๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜ฐ

(I’m assuming this is the permanent face of my amazing mentor ➡️๐Ÿ˜)

So you can ONLY imagine my surprise moment as I sat with Revelation Chapter 7 and read verses 3-4. ๐Ÿคจ๐Ÿค” Are you telling me that in the midst of the world crumbling, trumpets sounding, the Apocalypse in full swing: God placed HIS seal on the foreheads of 140,000 of His servants?

[Runs to mentor to clarify that I am one of the “servants” being mentioned— and smile learning that in fact… I am! ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป]

The Pastor (in the app) explaining the Chapter for me did something I never could have imagined: He took a Book in the Bible I have been terrified of since childhood and compared it to a Pixar movie. ๐Ÿคฏ

His seal on His People? Well, it’s like putting your name on your favorite toy. When Woody was worried that he would be left behind because he couldn’t find his hat? He looked under his boot and saw “Andy.” ๐Ÿค 

When there were two Buzz Lightyear’s and they needed to know which one was the real one? They looked under his boot and saw “Andy.” ๐Ÿš€

And when did Jessie and Bullseye finally know that they were safe and had found a forever home? When “Andy” was written on their feet. ๐Ÿด

No demons? No cults? No Kool-Aid?…. In this scary chapter—I’m still loved? ๐Ÿฅบ

God places His seal on the things that are His. He marks His people to let them know they are safe (๐Ÿค ), they are the real ones (๐Ÿš€), and they are His (๐Ÿด).

I’m only half-way through the Book I feared my entire life. And the imagery and symbolism are enough to give you nightmares. But when it gets scary… I just try to stay the course until I finish it and finally see what it’s all about.

In the meantime though— I’ve learned that when I’m scared, anxious, overwhelmed, confused, or feeling alone… I just have to look under my boot. Because I’ve been sealed in permanent marker with His name marking every step I take. ๐Ÿ‘ฃ

Which is funny to think about because my name is Kristen… which means “Follower of Christ.” ๐Ÿ’› He is leading and I clearly must follow because His name is on me.

Friday, September 3, 2021

“A Catholic Reading the Bible One Chapter at a Time”… It took 20 years.

 On this edition of “A Catholic Reading the Bible One Chapter at a Time”… It took 20 years.


T●W●E●N●T●Y

"Why?"... "Why them? What did they do to deserve to die that day? They were just doing their job. What did they do to make God so angry?" A question that sat on my chest, my shoulders and every cell of my body could not be answered. No one could tell me. I got "things happen for a reason" and "you can't stop evil" as the answers. But they weren't answers. They were generic responses used as band-aids to ineffectively heal real pain.

▪️ I stopped going to Sunday Mass.
▪️ I stopped joining my family in grace before dinner.
▪️ I stopped really caring what role "religion" played in my life because I just watched the entire world stop- and this God I prayed to my whole life did nothing to prevent it. He watched it happen.

17 year old Kristen didn't understand. And no one could tell me "why." So I was left to sit with the reasoning that "God let this happen because there is evil in the world" and I found no comfort in that logic or the scripture I had heard priests read TO and interpret FOR me my entire life.

And for 20 years bad things continued to happen. Over and over and over again. To list them all would take thousands more characters than this post allows. Yet for over two decades, no one answered my question directly: why were so many knocks made on doors that day? Why did two 110-story towers fall killing the heroes inside and below that were just trying to save lives. Why did people just going to work on a Tuesday and never make it home?

๐Ÿ”˜ September 3, 2021 at 6:34AM ๐Ÿ”˜

[pouring caffeine into a Yeti listening to "Through the Word" read me Luke, Chapter 13]

๐Ÿ”ŠJesus asked, "What about the eighteen people who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem? No..."

[Drops lid on counter and stares blankly ahead- Did He just say what I think He just said?]

A tower fell? People died? And Jesus says-- HE SAYS WITH HIS OWN WORDS THAT I AM HEARING-- that the people who died didn't die because they were bad people. He said it. It is written in HIS WORD. I didn't contort words to say, "well, He is talking about a man falling into a well, so let's just pretend it's a tower collapsing." No. The words LITERALLY say "when the tower fell on them."

And I cried in my kitchen.

Twenty years. I needed to hear those words for twenty years and they were in the Bible the entire time. For 2,000 years actually they were on that page. But I didn't know. No one told me and I was so mad at Him that I didn't look to see if they were in there. I didn't even own a Bible.

I'm going to read this verse and this chapter a few more times. Maybe a few dozen more times. And perhaps leave the state of shock I am in realizing that He had already spoken the words I needed to hear for two decades. But in my anger, lack of faith and failed understanding: I missed knowing they were there.

So why did I read them 8 days before the anniversary? Why did I read them when on my "to-do" list for today (written last night) was to ask the Chaplain for some verses that I should maybe "have on hand" to read when the thought of the 11th seems overwhelming. When the footage starts again. When the memories come back tenfold. How? What?....

Because I'm praying to a God who listens to me. I just wasn't listening to Him. ๐Ÿ’›

12:10PM

I was told I could never be a mother. If you scroll through these posts you will find the entry I wrote when I found this out from my doctor...