“A Catholic Reading the Bible One Chapter at a Time”… Imma gonna make some people a little unhappy with me.

On this Edition of “A Catholic Reading the Bible One Chapter at a Time”… Imma gonna make some people a little unhappy with me. 

Every morning I walk into my office and I make a list. A list of everything that needs to be accomplished that day- from checking emails to eating lunch. The entire day is listed out and one by one I check things off OR add more items to it as the day goes on. Every activity that's crossed off gets me that much closer to being done for the day. In my mind, I can't just leave when the clock "says it's time to leave." I have to earn it. 

This mentality has existed for about as long as I can remember. Want that dessert?  Earn it through exercise. Want that toy? Earn it through chores. Want that sleepover?  Earn it with good grades. Want eternal salvation?  Earn it through your actions.

So you can only imagine my surprise when I found out about a place called Galatia. Here in this little city is a group of believers who were once strong in faith but fell into following laws instead. And Paul writes them a letter (Paul puts my thank you note writing to shame). And what does Paul tell them?

Chapter 3:25- "And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian."

The Galatians are walking around implementing rules and laws that are not found in the Scripture (or they've twisted words to make them). They have particular days of worship, special rituals, specific prayers, mandatory acts and beha-----

Wait.
Hold up.
Hit rewind.
Review on the play.
*blinks*

The Seven Sacraments.  Holy Days of Obligation.  Festival of the Saints.  Chain of Command  Purgatory  Cardinal v. Mortal sins  All the guilt 

Now, you can google all day long and find multiple answers as to whether or not a Catholic believes that you have to earn your way to Heaven through acts or through faith (or both). But I am not talking about other Catholics. I am talking about this one. Kristen Marie O'Hare. The one trying to figure out her relationship to Jesus in the midst of reading a Book she has never read before because she did what she was told to do and believed what she was supposed to believe.

And this one remembers very clearly the day that she had to take a test in CCD in 1995. It was a double test. I had to recite the entire Apostle's Creed without missing a word AND I had to do the Sign of the Cross. I studied for the entire week. I practiced that Creed on the school bus, at recess, in the shower, in front of the mirror. I had it down perfectly. When Mrs. Wells heard me recite it she was going to be blown away. And--- she was.  But then I had Part 2 of the exam and I did the Sign of the Cross. *Backwards* And she failed me.  I was 11 years old and to this day I still hesitate before doing it because I don't want to get it backwards. There wasn't even half credit. I failed.

And moments like that compounded with: "You missed a Holy Day of Obligation... You're not an altar server... You don't understand the Rosary... You need to go to Confession... You ate meat on a Friday... You can't receive Communion because you didn't go to Confession..." pushed me further and further away from God. I could not check off all of the items on the checklist. Throw in extreme guilt for sinning (and not confessing it- rinse and repeat) and I couldn't even THINK of ever making amends with Him. So I kept my distance because I was in the wrong.

I kept my eyes down and just moved forward. I couldn't make eye contact with Him because 1) I'm not allowed to break Chain of Command and 2) I didn't complete the checklist.

BUT  there  is  NO  checklist 

I am God's child. And through his crucifixion and resurrection, my sins were forgiven. He gives me grace- unearned. He loves me unconditionally. Every day I am given a fresh start to live the life He wants me to live for His purpose. And I can look Him in the eye and say, "I'm sorry" but also hear, "I love you."

No booth.
No penance.
No obligation.
No failed prayer test.
No check list.

There is something about the image of Him lifting my face up and reassuring me that everything is going to be ok and I have not failed Him that makes me cry. I guess I always wanted THAT kind of God. But I didn't know that God was an option. I feared the one I was praying to instead.

I missed out on a relationship with Him because I was behind on the checklist. I was blinded by rules and suffocated by obligation. But y'all. "Salvation is by God's grace through faith in Christ Jesus and nothing else. Faith in Christ means true freedom."

And that is a test that I can't fail. Because I am His. And I am so very loved- even with an incomplete checklist.*

*Because there isn't one 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81zFRbdMmZQ
(You can cry with me )