When I received the phone call that my sister was being sent to Labor and Delivery early and it was almost time to meet my sweet nephew, I raced to the hospital breaking every motor vehicle law along the way. I had already packed my "hospital bag" which had everything from a change of clothes and a toothbrush to every make/model of a phone charger and coloring books to pass the time. (Little did we really know how much time was going to pass!) I got to the hospital with one mission: Do everything I possibly could to make my sister comfortable and to ease any form of stress that the two expecting parent's could experience. Also, not to cry. I can hug and cry like it's my profession. But there is a time and a place Kristen. Keep it together.
I went into the room expecting chaos yet found my brother and sister completely calm and ready to tackle this thing called "having a baby." As the night carried on parent's left to get sleep and I was reconsidering my career choice as I had conquered reading the peaks/dips on the monitor and unplugging/plugging in all the wires and tubes after every bathroom break. (Then the thought of administering needles or seeing blood cancelled any ideas I may have briefly entertained!)
 |
| Ice Chip Getter and Contraction Monitor Coach |
When the
nurse came in to tell Lindsay it was time to get some sleep before the big
event the next morning I knew it was time for me to "go home" and get
some sleep myself. But that's just not in my nature of course. So I told one
person I was sleeping at my parent's house and another I was sleeping at my
brother's house. And then, like a colonist from long ago, I said goodbye to the
parents-to-be with a kiss and a hug and set up camp in the waiting room for the
night. I moved around furniture, declared ownership of the television and
settled in for the night. They would never know I was out there but if they
needed me... They wouldn't have to wait more than a second for me to come to
them.
30 hours.
My sister was in labor for 30 hours. That's 30 episodes of Law & Order:
SVU or a road trip to Nashville 3 times or listening to George Strait's
"Amarillo By Morning" on repeat 720 times. There was nothing easy
about her labor process and there was definitely nothing easy or textbook about
her delivery process. There is a groove worn into the hallway floor where I
paced for 2 hours, back and forth, waiting for someone (anyone really- a
doctor, nurse, aid, janitor) to come out and tell us that everything was ok. I
made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never sit anxiously and
wait for a boy. From the minute the text came that it was time to push to the
minute we finally had someone tell us what was going on I never once let go of
my phone or stopped looking over my shoulder to see if someone was going to
walk out those locked double doors. When the doors opened and my brother
emerged I could tell two things: He was exhausted and something wasn't right. I
could only imagine what my sister was going through back in the delivery room.
But I smiled and ran up to him to congratulate the new Daddy.
Hours
went by as we waited to hear when we would finally get to meet this little baby
who took his sweet time coming and then was rushed away for tests and
observation. When the text finally came that he was ready to meet his anxious
family... I was the first one allowed in the room to see him. I basically
sprinted to the hospital room in record time. I opened the door, washed my
hands, and pulled back the curtain to see my sister holding a chubby cheeked
baby boy in her arms. My brother had a camera out to record my reaction of
seeing my nephew... My Godson... for the very first time. As he was placed into
my arms I wasn't prepared for the reaction I was about to have myself.
 |
| Love at First Sight |
As I held
Xander William O'Hare for the first time I cried. I thought about all the
moments in his life I was going to share with him: His first story book... his
first laughs... his first baseball game... his first words... his first
Christmas morning... and his first St. Patrick's Day. I thought of all his
games that I would be ejected from by umpires and coaches. I thought about the
laughs he would give me and the smiles he would put on my face. I thought about
the murder I would happily commit if anyone ever tried to harm him. I thought
about how proud I was of his parents. And I thought about how my life changed
in a single second when I kissed his forehead and knew that I was asked to play
a role in helping raise this little baby. It was more than a job... it was an
honor. In just one look he had become one of the most important people in my
life and my sense of purpose was renewed. He would learn about God and about
right from wrong. He would learn about respect and love. But he would also
learn about curve balls, frosting and the adventures in story books from
me.
The next several days all blended into one another. Xander got to
go home but he went home in a special bed that required someone to watch him
24/7. I obviously took the night shift in hopes that the new Mommy and Daddy
would get a chance to at least attempt to sleep. My chair was pulled up to his
crib and I watched him for hours (illuminated in blue) and sang him songs. It
seemed that each song I sang though was by Joey + Rory. And it struck me right
through my heart. I was looking into the face of a brand new life while I
played songs sung by a wonderful woman, wife, mother and friend losing her
own.
The irony nor the haunting beauty of the moment wasn't lost on me.
As one beautiful life entered this world another was soon to leave it. And I
knew that I had to make sure that as his Godmother I taught Xander not only the
beauty of every day but also how short life truly is. We need to appreciate the
small things and find beauty in the rough days. We need to live our lives so we
have no regrets and can say we did everything we set out to do. Every sunrise
is a reminder that we have a fresh start and every sunset is an acknowledgement
that we made it through another day. There will be really bad days and broken
hearts and there will be fabulous days filled with laughter. The secret to life
is to find the balance and beauty in it all.
Xander will never experience the goosebumps you get when Joey
walks up on stage and starts to sing. He will never hear her laugh or walk the
land on her beautiful Tennessee farm. He'll never taste her peach cobbler or
see the light in her eyes when she talks about the love for her husband or her
daughter. But I had the opportunity to do those things and I will take those
memories and those lessons she taught me and I will pass them on to him.
Because as I write this Xander is doing things for the very first time while
Joey is doing everything for the very last. The birth of Xander has brought so
much joy to my heart while losing Joey has broken it. But truthfully, I'm
learning to live again as I say hello to a new life and goodbye to an old soul.
There's a lesson to be learned in all things.
And for someone who loves her sweets: Sometimes the sweetest
things in life don't always come in a container with a spoon... Sometimes they
can be found even in the saddest of moments if you just look hard enough.
*This video was made for Xander after he successfully made it through his glow worm phase... Joey helped sing the words to express what we all felt those few days...*
No comments:
Post a Comment