Tuesday, January 28, 2014

So Who Do I Bring on the First Date?

Just a Few to Mention

There is a huge lump on the front of my forehead from banging it against the wall... the dresser... the door... the counter (that was by accident) and whatever other hard surface I can find now that I've entered the world of dating again. Has it always been this difficult? Has it always been something that makes my eyes cross, my head spin, and my hand reach for a stiff drink? The moral of the past few dates I've been on: "I'm too much to handle." 

It seems every time I open my mouth and start talking about myself the guy starts looking for all the available exits as if he is on a plane experiencing severe turbulence (you should have paid attention at the beginning of the flight by the way). The first question always seems to be: "So tell me about yourself?" If I could just avoid that question I may make it to dessert but alas the second I start to give a rundown on who I am I start to see panic appear in his eyes. The date has just hit an iceberg in true Titanic fashion. The question I have about this inquiry is simple: How do I answer that?

I took a very scientific study of a random selection of people (i.e.- unbiased family and friends) by asking them the simple question: Define me in just ONE word. Some hesitated. Some threw it right out there. So, if we could put the ten most popular answers up on the board please, SURVEY SAYS: 

1) Brave
2) Enthusiastic
3) Quirky
4) Confident
5) Eccentric
6) Vivacious
7) Energetic (with added note: not on Saturday/Sunday mornings)
8) Intelligent
9) Remarkable
10) Independent
Honorable Mention: "Sparkly" submitted by my 3.5-year old niece. 

So I take all of these characteristics and put them together to make one Kristen. A Kristen who can be confident yet quirky. Intelligent yet eccentric. Brave and remarkable yet petrified of clowns and skin suits. Independent yet unable to kill spiders. Vivacious and energetic yet sleeps until noon on the weekends. I did not receive a single duplicate answer when asked to describe me in one word. Does that make me unique or does that just make me a handful?

I know who I am and what I want. I want to see a Yankees game... I will make that happen. I want to eat a vat of frosting... I'll hold up a bakery without question. I want to live on my own for 12 years in tiny apartments... I will survive on Easy Mac to do so. I want to save the world... I will start by volunteering in water with sand fleas. I want to find the right guy for me.... *crickets* *crickets*

I'm worried that perhaps I bring too much to the table. I'm the tomboy who will talk sports with you and definitely drink you under the table. I'm the kickboxing wannabe who winds up in the ER after her 3rd class. I'm the girl who dreams in Tiffany Blue and looks at Holly Golightly as a heroine (make point to check out call girl rates for better income status). I'm the girl who laughs out loud at herself. I'm also the girl who can watch a baseball game swearing like a sailor and then turn on Steel Magnolias and bawl my eyes out (Shelby can't run to Texas damn it but her mother can!!). Every guy I have ever been on a date with or had a relationship with was unable to find a happy balance between all of these different Kristen's. Again, too much to handle.

There is just one physical "me." You can't miss her. But the thousands of pieces that comprise me and the countless hats I wear (graduation cap, a baseball hat, a tiara) are what haven't completely fused together yet. I'm all over the spectrum. I'm an energetic crazed woman dancing in her apartment and a narcoleptic insomniac (true story) at the same time.

Is it my job to reign all of these different Kristen's in? Is it my job to choose which ones to reveal slowly but surely to a potential suitor (welcome to the 1950s)? It seems like I just throw them all out there at once and duck when the "well, you're rather intimating" or "check please!!!" is uttered in the middle of the date. I don't know who the man I'm looking for is... But perhaps he's the one who can take the tomboy, the princess, the klutz and the nerd, and tie them together. Perhaps that's what I need in life. A Breakfast Club-esque approach to dating. Basically I come to the table, lay it out there and you take it or you leave it. The person who takes it will be the one who can look me in the eye and say: I accept you for who you are no matter how many of you there may be (or how many detentions you've had- see what I did there?).

So I may not have "Don't You Forget About Me" playing as I walk away from my date... But maybe there is a Jake Ryan out there ready to mouth "yeah you" when I look at him, confused and in dismay, asking "ME?" Because he is going to want every one of the "me's" that come with this brown haired, brown eyed, fun-sized package. And I guess that's the Kristen I need to bring on the first date.


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