Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Mm-Mm... Cotton Balls... I'll Have Seconds Please!

As an avid (and shameless) Sex and the City watcher, I know the importance of New York's Fashion Week. I also know that the clothes are ridiculously ugly, uncomfortable looking, and downright tacky. How a designer thinks a woman wearing an igloo is attractive or even a space helmet with a Molly Ringwald Pretty In Pink prom dress is beyond me. 

Yes, this is absolutely practical for a day at the office or a first date. 
The dawn of Fashion Week is upon anxious fashion lovers and women with too much money. (Personally, I think more attention should be given to "Fleet Week" but my opinion is overlooked most of the time when it comes to things that are "important"). While women across New York scramble to make time to sit in front of a runway and watch the latest styles make their way down the catwalk, the models themselves are using every last hour and minute they have to get ready for the big reveal. Are they highlighting their hair? Nope. Are they trying on new make-up and bronzers? Not this time. Are they eating cotton balls and shooting up cocaine? Why yes, yes they are. Don't we all when it's time to get ready for that "big day" in front of an audience? I know I can't imagine prepping for a first date without eating only cotton balls for a week. And please, the small kind not the extra-jumbo balls. Let's not be gluttonous here kids.

I recently read an article entitled: "Pills, Injections, and Plain Starvation: The Dangerous Extremes Models Go To For Fashion Week Runways." To even be considered a candidate to model in today's industry you must be at least 5'8", 100 pounds (or less) and no larger than a size 0. Well, let me just say as a 5'3", plus size brunette rocking the double digit pant size: more power to ya girls. While I endure the dreaded weight loss battle with such weapons as the dreadmill and Jillian Michaels' threats, models have found the secret to success. According to one model, Kira Dikhtya, "Packs of cigarettes, daily colonics, laxatives, Phentermine diet pills, Adderal, Rx drugs that suppress the appetite, cocaine, speed, thyroid injections, and a strict 500 calorie diet" are the norm. And here I was thinking that SlimFast shakes were a bit extreme. While crack and speed sound like really healthy options to drop the weight, some women have resorted to eating cotton balls to fill their grumbling tummies. I'm just wondering what the caloric value of a cotton ball is and if it contains any carbs. Models also have to pee on a ketosis stick to make sure they aren't consuming any carbs. The only time my fat ass is peeing on a stick is when I think my tummy is grumbling not because it wants more cotton balls (yum-o!) but because there is something growing inside there. 

Reminiscent of the horrifying images from World War II, right? 
Is there a light at the end of this very disturbing, bony and oh-so-gross tunnel the Fashion World seems to have gotten itself trapped in? Surprisingly, maybe. According to the industry, designers such as Miuccia Prada and Herve Leger are two of the designers who have been hiring healthy-looking curvier models. Now, let's not get excited and send me off to New York to fulfill any Chaka Khan runway dreams that I may have had once or twice while walking on the dreadmill. By "plus-size" they mean a size 4. Double digits need not apply to Fashion Week. But perhaps it's a step in the right direction because anything that gets a woman to think she doesn't have to look like the above "human rib cage and sternum display" is a good start in my opinion. 

Back in the 1920s and 30s, women with a little extra meat on their bones were considered more attractive than the stick figures. The more curves the more appeal. I think this had to do with survival of the fittest though. When the Depression hit who would you kill first if you were starving? The fat girl or the skinny girl? Obviously you'd kill the fat girl because she would feed more, right? It was really a publicity propaganda ploy to bulk up the women for a "worst-case scenario" should the US need to resort to cannibalism. (Just a theory, ok?) While this concept of beautiful is not the case in today's society, I can't put a stop to Fashion Week's horrendous clothes or disgusting models. But I will continue to chase that illusive dream of single digit pant sizes and the absence of anything that can be referred to as "extra" or "bat wings." But I'm going to do it wearing cotton... not eating it. That is, unless you cover that thing in some sugary goodness.... 

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